Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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