Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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