the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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