I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
