For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
