So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
