Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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