I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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