omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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