hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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