make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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