you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
