Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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