dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No subtext here. People are naked.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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