you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
