Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drunk is not a location!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
