you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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