My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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