I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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