youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
