I saw his package. It spoke to me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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