I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
