He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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