I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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