At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
