u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
