why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
