I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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