if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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