I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
