If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
