rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
