OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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