Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize