Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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