Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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