i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
