Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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