I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
