He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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