erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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