I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
