Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
