im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
