My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
