Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
