mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
