What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
