It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
