good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
