so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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