At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
