He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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