i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
