Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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