How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
