R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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