do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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