in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
