i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
