you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
