I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize