**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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