my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
