Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
