After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
