he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
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he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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