I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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