eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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