I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize