umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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