also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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