She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
