return my video game
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
