im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
