I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
