I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
