i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
