he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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